My Personal Journey - Weight Loss (Gain) and Life!

Those of you that watch our daily vlogs may have noticed that over the last year I have piled on some weight..... nearly three stone to be exact!!!! And I am miserable! I feel tired, sluggish and just large in general. My granny died last year in January and it hit me hard *you can read about that here* and I have pretty much been eating my feelings ever since, whenever I feel sad I think about what food I can buy that will 'cheer me up' and truthfully? None of it has, nothing has cheered me up and the feeling doesn't go away. I still have moments when I think of her and my breath catches and I can feel the emotion threatening to overpower me and pull me down.... but I am getting a lot better at taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and remembering that I loved her so very much and that she loved me too and that I should think of that as she would hate for grief to overpower me.

I am done. I am done with feeling sluggish. I am done with feeling fat. I am done with feeling embarrassed. I am done with panicking over what I can wear that will be baggy and cover me. I am done with existing. It's time to live!! I have been going to slimming world for a while now but last week I restarted my progress as I wasn't getting anywhere and I wanted to start from scratch. I stood on my scales this morning (I haven't been great on plan and I know it) and I am 8lbs up!!!! Now that seems extreme even for me so I am hoping that it is my scales are different to my consultants otherwise I really will cry and be devastated.

My scales said 14stone and 1lb. I don't think I have ever been this heavy except for when I was pregnant. Writing this I have tears in my eyes, some people aren't too worried about how much or little they weigh but for me I have always struggled. I first attended Slimming World with my mum when I was 15 and I got to target and stayed there until I met my now husband, we swapped healthy salads and country walks for cosy nights in with a takeaway and it has been a battle ever since. I don't want to be fighting with myself for the rest of my life and so I am taking a stand. I will lose weight this year, because I owe it to myself, my children and my family to be as healthy and happy as I can be.

Please don't judge anyone on their struggles or if you think they just need to 'try harder' sometimes it is not that easy but I want to prove that anyone can get there eventually!! Join me on my journey, I will be posting regular updates (weight and body pictures) on my blog and also in video format on my youtube channel.

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